I would like to take this time to reflect on what my life has been like up to this point. This is usually the point of the year where I am celebrating Hallmark's patented holiday with a girl that means something to me, but that is not so this year. And no, I really don't care at all about that. That, mostly, is because I can't find one single reason in me to celebrate anything.

My life is absolutely terrible. It's the culmination of an unlucky man having to deal with things that no one deserves to have to deal with. I am 21 years old, I am still just a child. I shouldn't be thinking thoughts like I do, I shouldn't have to deal with troubles that I have to deal with. I have been very self-aware and knowledgable for a very long time now, but I can't remember the point in my life when I realized life isn't fair. I have known for too long that sometimes bad things happen to good people, but it takes a truly upset mind to focus in on the reality that sometimes; sometimes turns into all times.

I used to be such a happy person, young and always wanting to have fun and get something out of life. Even academically I was a standout, I always had a thirst for knowledge and wanted to do well in school. I played sports, had a lot of friends, I just enjoyed everything that life had to offer.

I don't know when that changed or what went wrong. This world just disgusts me, and that includes most of the people in it. I can't find enjoyment in any of it. I must really be sick.

I suffer from Kallman's syndrome. Not many people have ever heard of that, but it's something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm also anosmic, meaning I have no sense of smell. People don't understand how unforunate that really is when I tell people about that. Imagine living your life being unable to smell your favorite smells. I also have a taste deficiancy (unrelated to the syndrome) that causes me to not be able to taste a lot of certain foods. Two of the main things that I can't taste are steak and seafood. Imagine that!

Some of you have come to know me as being a pretty unlucky guy. Well, you have no idea. Milk is my favorite drink, and I still have early signs of osteoperosis. I have 14 screws and pins in my body right now from falls that occured years ago (broken bones, fractured/slipped growth plates). When I lay down at night, or when it's cold outside, I can feel them. Those areas of my body are sore. Even now I sit here, and I can feel the pains up and down my body. It's like they're suffocating me.

I've come to realize I have an anger problem. I guess rage would be a better word for it. I am just so upset, so unhappy, that I just lose control. I've never hrut anyone (even when I really want to) but I hurt myself a lot. No, I don't cut my wrists or try to drown myself or any other emo thing you can imagine, but sometimes late at night I'll sit in my bathroom and stare into my mirror, scream as loud as I can and them slam my fist into it as hard as I can.

I've tried talking to a lot of people about my problems, professionals, family members, friends; but most of them really don't understand. I guess because there is a clinically defined reason why I am unhappy, but I guess the true reason is that underneath of this physically and mentally flawed human exterior lies a broken heart from so many things that I don't really feel like I can ever put it back together again.

Life goes on all around me, the world doesn't stop just because I cry and I'm mature enough to not expect it to. But it's times like these that I realize what a superficial relationship I have with virtually everyone I've ever met. People know what I'm going through, they know that I'm upset. I guess they figure I'm a mentally strong enough person to hold myself together through thick and thin. It really makes me sit here and wonder if they know how far I've fallen, and how close I am to giving up.

Close doesn't even describe it. I am giving up, I have given up. Life really is a bore when you don't care about anything at all anymore. Not people, not things. You just wake up hungry for change, and you go to sleep empty.

There isn't even a point in writing this (or reading it, for those of you that have made it this far). I just figured that I know there will bound to be a few of you who are bored enough in the middle of night to spend 10 minutes to gain a little perspective on the kid you thought you knew, but now are realizing is someone so different from who you imagined. I don't know where I will go from here, but I believe I am a slightly better person for writing this because now I've said what's on my mind, and that's one thing in my life of absolute insufferable hell that I can be proud of today.

first

fuck

THIRD

tl;dr

og;dc

obligatory quote

just kill yourself and get it over with

sup jaychunk

I LOVE YOU

should have wrote your own faggot

gr8 copy/pasta

from df

actually

That's what I thought.

FoolsGame?

Most likely but .

JayKwik

http://forums.d2jsp.org/index.php?showtopic=28263956&f=115

og;dc sad that thi sgets attention

did no one in that toilet show him the easy way out?

persistant troll is persistant

maybe if you had rich parents like me you would be happy

Jay is nice, but god damn cry baby kids piss me off.
He has a g/f, food and a house.
Obv a computer and the internet.
I want him to be homeless for a few days, or have to go with out food for 2-3 nights, then lets see how he looks at life.

You know who you're talking about?
This is jaykwik. Failed 40 straight monster quests, had his 800k [unit not allowed] ladder slasher character deleted. Few days in the streets is nothing for him.

i could run up to uva rq and burn down his apmt steal his car and lock him in a dumpster for a few days?

a lot of people would need this kind of therapy to put the end to their ungrounded whining

i say get em all addicted to crack or heroin

i think most would enjoy sucking dick for 5$ for that next hit

dude i read this thinking it was serious LOL

thank god scott, after all the things youve told me about you fucking bitches i was hoping you didnt have male deficiency problems

if anybody in dc was mentally unstable, i'd vote them out

same

same

LOL

Scott deal with it

Life will go on

i remember your first kiss

I remember youwhen you wouldnt mess around wife a girl because you didnt want to have her not respect you

jezz who dosent have problems

call OBAMA he will solve all of your problems he is the mesiagh

This post has been edited by DCC on Sun - Feb 15 2009 - 15:06:17

lol

honestly feel proud that i provided the image to make his sig a reality

i added more rread on

I need to put it on d2jsp sig that is

its a good thing d2jsp is blocked at work... i think i can get away without anyone seeing it and throwing a big WTF stakem get the fuck in my office

Did anyone actually read this because I have yet to

yeah

its touching

but fucking gay

looks like emoness rate of df is rising with each day

i visit jsp like twice a week now

and then i see all of the terrible toilets and get mad that i logged on

and then i poop in a secret forum

and then i check my full pm box just to make sure no one sent me gold

then i forget i logged on

then back to dcnet

then in b4