These are some perverted jokes my friend told me, that i thought were suitable for DC.net

17 year old girl goes up to her father and says she wants to go out to a club tonight.
Dad says no way.
Girl says, "Please, I'll do anything!!"
Dad says, "Ok, your allowed to go out, but you have to suck my dick"
Girl says, "Ew, gross. Thats fucking disgusting"
Dad: "Then you wont do anything will you. Choose your words carefully"
Girl thinks about it long and hard, but she really wants to go out so in the end she says yes.
She kneels down and starts sucking, then stops and spits on the floor, "Eww your dick tastes like shit!"
Dad: "Your brother wanted to go aswell."


Also

What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Which is the odd one out; Dish washer, washing machine, tv and woman
TV doesnt leak when its fucked.

What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.

Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove!

What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.

How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
Call her and tell her.

How do men sort out their laundry?
Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.

How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Why does the bride always wear white?
Well aren’t all kitchen appliances that colour?

What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!”

Why is the difference between air and sex?
None, you need both to survive.

What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!

How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it, but can’t eat it.

Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
She knows she’s given her last blow job.

How do you know when you are getting old?
When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

bout half were lol, other half were dissappointtingg

Lold

p good poop m8, had some lulz

what did the leper say to the prostitute

you can keep the tip