im an ok guy. nothing more. nothing less.
- i like my dogs more than most people
- my wife wants to meet all of you and is fascinated by the idea of me having internet friends, but this bro is a dodger for the most part
- i drink far too much
- i play left 4 dead 2 all of the time
- i used to drink jager when i was borderline abusive alcoholic, switched to long islands when i was bad news, switched to gin because a gay guy told me that a clear drink complimented my style far better than a dark drink and now i love gin
- im good at my job, but i kind of hate it
- when i was like 8 i tried to drive my dads car and almost drove it off an embankment and killed myself - a stranger jump in the car and stopped it for me
- ive been drinking this morning
- i typically keep at least one bottle of gin in my work desk
- one time i got stuck in the washing machine at my girlfriend's (now wife's) parent's house
- sometimes i feel bad for old people and try to make friends with them - like really old and feeble types. usually like neighbors and at the grocery store etc
- most porn makes me uncomfortable
- ive been to strip clubs, they also make me uncomfortable
- i dont think i ever want to have kids for solely selfish reasons
- i don't associate with anyone i went to school with
- i don't like most of my family, but i do like most of my wife's family
- i want to own my own business, but have no idea what i want to do
- ive always wanted a pet sloth - would be p sweet to just chill on the couch and watch movies/eat snacks with a sloth
- i think cleveland is a waste of USA
- i drive a silver 2003 ford focus with almost no additional options
- i have the attention span of a 6 year old
- i like most animals more than people
- i name animal and bugs that i see throughout my day - usually consists of a first, middle and last name
- im bored with a lot of things in my life
- im going to eat nearly an entire turkey on thanksgiving - it's my meat bitches
- im going to cancun in december for work, but dont really want to
- i just cancelled a trip to detroit
- i wore chuck taylors on my wedding day
- i think the only reason im alive is becasue of the old lady
- i always want it to be the next season
- i have to go on a fishing trip on sunday that i dont want to go on
- ive always wanted to be a hero - like saving someone from a pack of wild wolves or stopping an armed robbery type thing
- it is literally impossible for me to care about college classes - i wish i could just buy a degree
- i make a seriously fantastic chipotle burrito bowl knock off
- i hate my brother's wife - she's is a ridiculously snobby bitch and every time i see my brother he is slowly transforming into a snobby dick
- i want to live in a big city, like yesterday
- i was (potentially) a D1 full ride track and field sprinter, but ruined most of that by being a douche bag
- im hoping for a zombie apocalypse
- i dont think the world will end this year, but am spending that entire day and the day before with my wife and 2 dogs (just in case)
- the other day at walmart i ate an apple and didnt pay for it
- ...

i think thats it for now

This post has been edited by cardoors32 on Tue - Nov 13 2012 - 10:30:07

this is a long poop and im gonna take the time to read it

if i get to the end and feel this is a copy pasta and ive wasted 5 mins of my life im going to write you off completely for the rest of my existence on this site. also, there better be at least 1 condom reference here

cool

- im going to eat nearly an entire turkey on thanksgiving - it's my meat bitches

this makes me question if its really you, unless its a tofu turkey?

- this is the first toilet i've actually read on here in over a month

A bottle of gin at your work? That probably shouldn't happen.

we have a bit of a different work culture

turkey is the only reason i could never be a true vegetarian

turkey is ofc awesome, but i dont understand how you could clearly like ham. ham is amazing.

turkey is usually too dry. ham has enough fat where its never dry

im ok with ham. i don't like it too much when my mom/alissa's mom makes it, but if they get it from heavenly ham or honey baked ham, then its ofc

This post has been edited by cardoors32 on Tue - Nov 13 2012 - 12:23:16

Turkey is dry when you fuck it. Stop fucking up.

Anything is amazing when you coat it in half a pound of sugar and blast it with a blowtorch.

my mom is a bad cook? the turkey my wife made was great, but i think i just have bad memories from growing up with dry turkey

You should rank the people on this website based on who you would introduce to your wife.

lol

agreed

i name animal and bugs that i see throughout my day - usually consists of a first, middle and last name

I do this too but they are all named Steve. mainly cause the retarded clone in multiplicity was named Steve and I like calling them Steve in that retarded voice.

while in North Carolina we had this wild gecko living under the dryer in the laundry room

I tried to catch him once. got tired and gave up.

Named him Steve and did a google search for what geckos eat.

charlie, try natural selection
just sayin

My fellow ls drama suspended friend. Nice read.

You're pretty cool man. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

i like the part where shane tries to make this toilet about him

that and all of the points about how charlie is a huge alcoholic, ofc

What event did you run?

any sprints and some of the mid distance. pretty much anything i could sprint throughout - usually up to about the 2000m races

-i like turtles

it's debatable

samsies

You pretty much fit the criteria if you have a bottle of gin at work and your work isn't a bar or restaurant
and you drink in the morning after drinking at night

again debatable
everyone's circumstances are different

functional alcoholic*
its ok, we are many

- i only drink when im thirsty

I bet you think this shit is about you don't you?

on a more serious note relating to another individual via common experiences is actually quite regular. ...bitch

the ...bitch part was more a breaking bad reference than an actual defamation of anyone's character.

NOW THIS SHIT'S ABOUT MEH http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6UAYGxiRwU

charlie finally opens up to his internet friends and shane only wants to talk about his sunglasses

good toilet ruined

good poop

thanks for sharing m8

Awesome poop

I would also like a pet sloth but still feel I prefer a penguin

Meat in general is amazing.

- my wife has lost a set of diamond earrings and a diamond key pendant (total value worth more than my car) in the past year. thinking of this makes me furious, but i pretend i dont care
- im growing pet triops on my office desk
- sometimes i taste dog treats before i give them to my dogs to see if they're good
- i peed the bed until i was like 7
- i hate when people do prolonged dice rolling rituals at the craps table - its fucking random people!
- i own the original microsoft zune and it still works perfectly (purchased it in the donor forum)
- on that note, im suspended from said website for purchasing ladderslasher.com and causing drama because i was bored and had hosting space
- i gain and lose weight at a ridiculous rate
- if i could have one super power it would be to read/control people's minds
- i think i could be a career criminal. i feel like people do it that are pushed into a corner, but i think if i set my mind to it, i could be one of the best
- i dont drink beer. i think its bad.
- i don't like watching/following sports. i slightly pay attention because it affects my job sometimes, but thats it
- i would like to own a gun, but i dont really trust myself with one
- i think im smarter than most people i work with, but i have no real credentials or way to prove that
- my dog, robot friend, farts all the fucking time... like all the time
- im clearly a fan of christmas or really any holiday that encourages families to get together
- my brother and his fam live in pittsburgh and i only see them like 3 or 4 times a year, but i go to pittsburgh like every month
- i still check homestarrunner.com just in case
- in my work life, i typically change my personality to impress whoever happens to be next to me, just to see if i can
- i have gay silverware
- i need to move - i hate my fucking neighborhood
- im clearly entirely sure why i pooped all of these things

this is proal an awesome therapeutic exercise everyone should do occasionally just to remind us who really are

had to google triops, poop pics PLIZ

ill let someone else do it